I need fresh meat

Lately, my evening masturbation fantasies have been devoid of specific male protagonists. Apart from the already frustrating fact that I am not getting any real-life action, I also have no current man to lust after. Since I don’t like to waste my thoughts on has-beens or unobtainables, pretty much everyone from the past months is out. My two regulars from my pre-surgery days are now in relationships, the one guy from my beard-lovers dating website I hadn’t yet met has moved to another country, Mr Brazil and I have a lack of chemistry (Chemistry 101), and Mr Mexico clearly isn’t up to the job (The end of the non-affair). As far as building up a network to satisfy my needs is concerned, I’m back to square one and on the prowl again. Very frustrating, when all your usual roads to sex are dead ends all of a sudden…

Put your money where your mouth is

What’s in a fantasy? When we imagine the craziest sex of our lives, do we intend to live it out, or are we just indulging in make-believe? If we had the chance to then actually put it into action, would we go through with it?

Most of what I dream about would make for pretty good porn clips: elements of BDSM, orgies, testing ones boundaries, exploring new sensations, experimenting with brute force. However, as always, I am bound by health and safety issues (Safe my ass). Technically, I would need an exclusive partner in crime to be able to safely indulge in all that I fantasize about. For me, that almost makes it impossible, as these are not the kinds of things I usually do in a relationship. Don’t get me wrong – the initial honeymoon period, in which you just have crazy sex all the time, is usually good; but it wears off after a while. What’s more, I tend to not want to hurt those that I love and care about, which is exactly what I want to do in bed. An eternal quandary, it seems.

So for me, it is not so much about not daring to live it out – it’s more an organisational problem. Completely unsexy and unbelievably frustrating, I know. Even more frustrating is having found someone who dreams about the same things and then not being able to make it happen courtesy of such irreconcilable differences.